Introduction

So I don’t want you to take this song as an encouragement to do glue, it’s more an observation of having done it. You know because I’d hate to go outside and see you all at the end of this gig with a tin of evo and a fucking placky bag, huffing like common huffers on a street corner.
So just nobody sue me if you do get into glue, it’s not because of this song. That’s all I’m saying.

Song

All my life, I’ve been sniffing
Solvent fumes and now I’m tripping
Yooh-whoo, I’m in love with glue
It’s my favourite thing to do

If you want to get out of your head
First find a bread bag without any bread and fill it up with glue
That’s what you need to do
Cheaper and nasty, get them from a corner shop too.

Don’t talk to me about MDMA
That stuffs for girls, it turns everybody gay
You all end up cuddling each other and thinking you’re all each other’s best mates
And you all end up in big baths surrounded by candles, listening to ambient dub-tronica, giving each other massages

Glue, that’s what you want to do
Glue, is the drug for you

Don’t talk to me about cocaine
Oh here we go again
People on cocaine, think they’re so important and loud, and have to be vocal and shout above the crowd, tell you how many fights they’ve won, how many birds they’ve shagged, how much fucking money they’ve got, fuck off!

Glue, better off with glue
That’s what you want to do
It’s the more honest drug for you

Don’t talk to me about amphetamines
When I took speed and I went for a piss, I pulled down my pants and I pulled down my zip, and I looked at my jeans [sigh]

Glue, better off with glue
Unlike speed, it doesn’t shrivel your cock

Don’t talk to me about ketamine
It’s a horse tranquilizer for fucks sake
Posh kids of Bristol, having bladder problems in their early 20s, cause they spent too much time, doing horse tranquilizers, what for? To upset their mums? They had everything they ever wanted, silly bastards. Horses can’t even score now, horses have to go to elephants, elephants are dealing to horses now and they’re not to be trusted, they’ve got that trunk thing going on, they’re like that; “hey mate, what you after? Elephant ket? Have that” [sigh]

Glue, better off with glue
You don’t have to get it off elephants

Don’t talk to me about salvia divinorum
It’s a legal high, it looks a bit like weed, you smoke it in a pipe, these guys gave me a pipe of it and then I had a bit, and then after I had it, it all went like this [plays soothing psychedelic lullaby] for about 10 minutes.

Glue, better off with glue
You know what you’re getting with glue

Don’t talk to me about LSD
Me and me mates we all used to take LSD, we thought we were cool and that and we knew what was going on, we didn’t really, we got confused, we tried to buy some plane tickets to Sidney Australia, on my mate Tony’s master card, we stood in a que to buy the tickets, we stood in a que for ages tripping off our fucking faces, saying “how tripping are you? Yeah I’m really fucking tripping? Yeahhh.” And we were in the que, trying to be quite, we got to the front to buy the tickets, get the tickets to Sidney Australia, but as a fucking mission it was a total fucking failure, got to the front of the que and the woman said; “what do you want son?” Tony said “3 tickets to Sidney Australia please,” and the woman said I’m sorry son, this is the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Glue, better off with glue
Should have checked the sign outside the shop

My psychiatrist said that because I sniffed a lot of solvents, it would leave me essentially vacant [makes vacant face]

But he was wrong, he was wrong, I never get too vacant for too long

My psychiatrist said that because I sniffed petrol out of crisp packets in a graveyard with me mate when I was 14, I’d end up mindlessly aggressive to some stranger I’d never seen.
But he was wrong, I never get aggressive, I’m more chilled out than Gandhi, I never get aggressive to anybody.
What you fucking looking at, you fucking silly cunt, I’ll kill your fucking nana, I’ll stab your fucking mum, I’ll fuck your fucking dog, I’ll put your dog in microwave and when it’s gone bing, I’ll bring it out, I’ll shove it up your ass, stab you, burn your house down, you inside it, fucking get all your family inside it, burn them as well, bring them all out, fuck em while they’re still on fire, fuck you, bury you, dig you back up, stab you again, kill your fucking brother twice.

Glue, that’s what you want to do.
Glue a-who-a-who-a-who-who
Glue a-who-a-who-a-who-who

Buddy Holly, sniffed a lot of glue-a-who-who
That is why he grabbed control of the plane; “I want to go this way-a-who-a-who-who [sound of an explosion]”
That’s the end of that one.