Scuse me mate, scuse me mate, scuse me mate, scuse me mate, scuse me mate.
You look like a kind fella, even if you lie about trivial stuff, I don’t care.
Come on mate, scuse me mate, you can sort us out, you’ve got a kind face, I can tell by your face.

So what it is right, I just need a pound or two to buy some parts.
Some parts for my time machine, the one that I’m building at home.
I am a erm, government scientist, but my funding has been cut.
I’m working on time machine technology, my time machine is coming on really well.
But I just need a Pentium processor, and a 16 gig memory stick and a wah-wah peddle, to make me fucking time machine complete.

I need to travel back in time, to get off the street.
I’m going to travel back in time, I am.
And when I do, I’ll get some money and I’ll come back and that.

I’m gonna travel back in time, I am.
Come on mate, don’t be funny.
Give us a pound, you look like a kind fella.
You do I can tell by your face.
Come on mate, don’t be tight.

I’m going to go back in time, back to a time before Misses Thatcher.
Back to a time before I was addicted to heroin.
I’ll fly back to a time before Misses Thatcher was just an MP
I’ll wait outside her house with a bit of coal in one hand a bit of steel in the other.
And when the evil bitch comes home, I’ll get out my time machine.
I’ll be the only one in the place with decent trainers on, it’ll be in the old days.
Misses Thatcher won’t be expecting time travelling bastards coming back in time addicted to heroin, she wouldn’t think of that, she wouldn’t even know I was coming.
And with my piece of coal in one hand and my piece of steel in the other, I can exact a premature revenge, I could smash her fucking head off her neck.
Before she could go onto protect all the fucking paedophiles and take all the mines away.
Before she could go onto create a diversionairy war in the Fawkland islands to take our minds off the fact she was taking all our fucking milk, milk snatching bastard.
It’s worth giving me a pound, it’s more than worth giving me a pound.

I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking you saw me in the bus station last week saying something very similar.
No, I swear down, I’m a scientist. I proper am a scientist. I know what you’re saying, I’ve got that look, you know when they bob about.
Now I know what you’re thinking, it’s to put in me arm.
To feed that little baby what lives in me arm, that only eats that brown powdery milk, but no.
It isn’t that, it’s for my time machine you dickhead.

Come on, don’t be tight.
Thanks for not hitting me, thanks for not kicking me, thanks for not punching me, thanks for not spitting on me.
What it is right, I’ve just got out of a bail hostel for stabbing a nonce, I never stabbed him, he was on a skateboard, I was just drying up, you know from the washing up. Anyway his braces must have got caught on the door handle, cause he seemed to have gone back and forth a lot of times when I was holding the knife out. So you know, now I’m getting the blame, what the fuck? I’m a scientist you dickhead.
Come on mate, don’t be tight.

Give us a pound, give us a pound, give us a pound, actually £1.37 would be good.
Because I need to get back to Doncaster, because my wife is having a baby, she’s having a baby, she’s having a baby in Doncaster, I just need £2.52, £2.52 is all I need for my bus fair.

You look like a kind fella, I see that you’ve injured your hand.
Do you know what? You know what they say, if you give to somebody, it comes back.
And if you give to me, you won’t get nought back.
But when I go back in time in my time machine, I’ll go back and get you an elaster plaster for your hand.

Come on mate, don’t be tight, you know it makes sense.
You think I’m a smackhead don’t you, well you’re fucking wrong there.
I could give up any day, I’m not addicted, I should know by now, I do it every day.

When you give us a pound, I’ll create a time machine and go visit me Nana and borrow 20 quid off her while she was still alive.
Then I’m going to come back with 20 quid and if you give us your address….
Tell me, tell me when you’re going out, so there’s no point in me coming round when you’re out, that’d be stupid, I might end up nicking your DVD player and stuff like that.

And I’ll come round and bring you a pound.
I’ll come round and bring you a pound.
I’ll come round and bring you a pound, if you could sort us out.
I’ll come round and bring you a pound.
I’ll come round and bring you a pound.
I’ll give you 2 pound tomorrow, if you give me a pound today, I will.

You tight bastards.